In The Beginning

They had taken him away as soon as he was born; I had not even seen him. Something had gone wrong…

Our little boy was born after an uneventful pregnancy on exactly the date we had been told, my waters broke in the early hours, and the contractions were bearable, just. By the time we got to hospital things were well under way.

I remember the two midwifes saying ok now push and chatting about things, as you do, giving me gas and air, and an overwhelming sense of excitement, we had waited for this baby for a long, long time, and had gone through so many things to get this far. David’s face was a picture, not known for his braveness at the sight of blood he was dealing with all this really well.

Suddenly a lot more people were in the room, David’s face was not so good, a woman looked in my face, “I’m sorry I don’t have time to numb you, we need to get your baby out”. The cut the pulling, the instructions to push, and again, more people in the room, David with his now grey face collapsing against the bed. People telling us our baby boy was not breathing, they were trying to get him to breath, don’t worry it will be alright. People rushing, doors opening, baby taken away. It was not alright, it would never be alright ever again.

2 Responses to “In The Beginning”

  1. My god, reading this was like reading the start of our own journey….I wrote a poem about our experience. Hope you like it….He’s my son. (By Margaret Hall)

    You lie there. Unaware of the panic that now surrounds you.
    Your head bobs with each compression. Yet still you lie there.
    You make no noise, while inside I am screaming.
    You have not yet been introduced, yet Daddy’s heart hurts with love.
    I turn to him now, and wait…
    The silence is unbearable. I wait…
    A single tear runs slowly down his face. Yet still, I wait.
    I cling to hope and faith and pray that soon the silence will stop.
    You are fighting so hard, I can feel it.
    You already bare the scars of a courageous war.
    You are beautiful, perfect.
    Don’t give up now.
    Brave warriors join you in your battle.
    They heard your silent calls for help.
    They take you from this fear filled room
    And surround you with warmth and your first glimmer of life.
    Comforted by the machines that now support you,
    We adapt to our new role as spectators of your fragile beginnings.
    The rise and fall of your chest is addictive to watch
    Not daring to look away, for fear it might stop.
    Your leg starts to shake. My heart misses a beat.
    You shake all over now, and an alarm sounds.
    Once again your silence is heard
    And the brave warriors return with unquestionable vigilance.
    They fill your precious body with healing liquid
    And you return to your silent post.
    Days go by and slowly but surely your enemy shows signs of defeat
    The rise and fall of your chest is fighting against the machines
    And you inhale your first scent of life.
    We are full of emotion as our skins touch for the first time
    We cry and imprint this memory in our souls
    We stare at this work of art, taking note of every line
    Not wanting to forget a single moment.
    There is cryptic talk of damage to your brain
    I am sure that this must be wrong
    It feels unreal and we look at you lying there so innocent
    How can this angel be so perfect and have so much that is wrong.
    The tears fill our eyes as your life is unveiled
    And we hurt deep inside for the loss of a boy we once dreamt of
    But here is this child so handsome and strong
    Our purpose is clear, no more questions need asking
    He is perfect, he is needed and loved, and most importantly
    He’s my son.

  2. charlese says:

    wonderful poem Thank you
    Love the last 2 lines especially